decline, degenerate, disintegrate

You would have heard of the 'Desiderata' (which is, by the way, Latin for "Things to be Desired") - a poem often attributed as "Found in Old Saint Paul's Church, Baltimore: Dated 1692" (apparently there is some confusion as to this history..not to be delved into here..) and found on inspirational bookmarks and plaques all over your nearest gift shop. Stumbled upon the following parody of Desiderata (from National Lampoon). Let's see 'em make bookmarks and gifts out of this!

DETERIORATA

Go placidly amid the noise & waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet & passive persons unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself
And heed well their advice even though they be turkeys;
Know what to kiss and when.

Consider that two wrongs never make a right
but that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity & disillusionment
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There will always be a big future in computer maintenance.

Remember the Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, & mutilate.
Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you.
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face.

Gracefully surrender the things of youth, birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan;
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311; ask for Ken.
Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog
Is finally getting enough cheese;
And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the universe;
You have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore make peace with your God whatever you conceive Him to be:
Hairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises & urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.

Give up.